Becoming infatuated with someone is, most probably, a universal feeling. I recall doing the silliest things when I had this crush—feigning nonchalance when around them so they wouldn’t notice that, deep down, I was actually admiring them. Looking back, there was even this very remarkable scenario that I can’t seem to forget, especially when the topic of crushes comes up—it was when I kept borrowing ballpens from him, even when I had my own, just to have an excuse to interact with him.
Indeed, this may be one of the happiest and most magical phases in our lives. Yet, infatuation is just the beginning. What comes next? And are we ready for it?
In the opening pages of Jasmines in Her Hair, these very intriguing lines are written:
“Those three little words that mean a lot aren’t ‘I Love You,’
They are ‘No Matter What.’”
— Kalpesh Desai
Crushes, noticeably, are heavily focused on the positive traits of that person. But as the quotation emphasizes, it is more about the “No Matter What.” Such praise is often associated with promises—we say it when we are determined to pursue something regardless of the circumstances, regardless of what may change or what may remain. Saying “No Matter What” often means daring to take up the challenge. Perhaps what these lines are telling us is that love, in contrast with infatuation, is able to see the unlovable, the ugly, and still love in spite of it all.
Yet, this choice of loving through the flaws does not come easily. In fact, it entails a lot of inconvenience. It is as much about understanding the self as it is about understanding the other half. Being infatuated may be all about the butterflies, but in going beyond, we encounter flowers with thorns—and the biggest question is: do we dare touch them, or stay in our bubble of comfort?
I would like to quote lines from the poem entitled “I Offer My Resistance.” It says:
“I’ve loved and lost,
Burned bridges that I have crossed.”
Notice how, after the positive word loved, there comes the negative word lost. As hard as it is to swallow, love is far from how infatuation feels—joyful and always thrilling. Love will always coexist with pain; sometimes, the pain of losing. By loving, you invest something of yourself, and you risk either losing it or having it shattered into pieces.
Join Kalpesh Desai in one wild emotional turmoil in Jasmines in Her Hair, where she asks us to reflect on the various questions of love and explore the beauty in its very depths.
by Camila Guinoban