The concept of "home" transcends physical spaces—it is a feeling of safety, love, and a sense of belonging. For LGBTQ+ individuals, finding this sense of home often means seeking out communities that affirm their identities and provide shelter from the discrimination and challenges they face. One of Kalpesh Desai’s poems in their poetry collection titled Jasmines In Her Hair tells us what a home should be.
When you don't have to say it,
And yet you are heard.
When harmony is transcended,
And the soul nurtured.
When you feel loved,
Even when you're not being held.
It matters not where you roam,
That's your home.
(That’s Your Home | Kalpesh Desai from Jasmines In Her Hair )
Home is a feeling, many believe. It surpasses the tangible idea of having a comfortable bed, complete clothes, a sturdy roof, and delicious food. The poem above captures this sentiment beautifully: home is not a place but a state of being where one feels safe and valued.
Just like that, a community of the oppressed and marginalized should be a safe space for its members that makes them feel at home, not the other way around. This way, the queer community could establish a roof that protects them from discrimination, even when they are not being held, members who embrace who their peers really are, and more importantly, secures them in their identity, just as the poem says about the soul being nurtured.
The poem also serves as an instruction on what a “home” should feel and look like, especially for members of the Pride Community. Here is a list I realized from the poem:
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A home is where your emotions are heard, even when you don't talk them out.
A home should be a place where individuals feel safe expressing their emotions, whether verbally or nonverbally. This means that the environment is supportive and understanding, allowing people to feel comfortable without needing to explicitly communicate their feelings. For the Pride Community, I think this is especially important as members often face discrimination and marginalization outside their homes. For me, a home is where you do not have to explain things to anyone, anytime.
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A home is where your soul gets nurtured.
I believe that a community should share a common goal. And that is to lead their people to what is right and pull out the best in them. As the members of the community’s soul are nurtured, their wholeness is cultivated, allowing them to share and perceive the world with the ideas living inside their minds. For me, a home should be a sanctuary where they can be themselves without fear of judgment. Sense of belongingness within the members can supply it.
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A home is where you feel loved.
Ultimately, a home should be a sanctuary of love and a pillar of support. Here, everyone is appreciated regardless of who they are. When a home is a sanctuary of appreciation, it fosters a strong sense of belonging. Individuals feel connected to their family or community, knowing they are valued and they belong. This sense of belonging is particularly important for the Pride Community, as many members have experienced feelings of isolation or exclusion. A loving home helps them feel grounded and supported.
So, what should a home look like? No answers to that. Only the person feeling it can define a “home” as it transcends mere physicality of belongingness and pushes through feelings of safety and security. Just like when queers establish their chosen families through shared bondings and visions out of nowhere and just because of them being colorfully queers, there will be not enough words to define home— just feelings of belongingness. While physical structures can provide shelter, the true essence of home lies in its emotional foundation. Whenever and wherever you feel safe, valued, and loved, that is home.
By Ryan Brynesth