The world is a witness to the extraordinary lengths Filipinos take to help their families—staying late at work, sacrificing sleep, and even leaving home to seek better opportunities in other countries. Many observe these acts, yet only Filipinos truly understand the depth of this dedication.
So why do we do it? Why do we strive so hard to help our families? The primary reason is to give back, to repay the sacrifices they made so that we can have a better life. In our native tongue, that’s "Utang na loob." Our family worked hard to support us—out of gratitude, we’re also working hard to help them back. Ideally, this isn't out of obligation; we do it because we love our family.
Many Filipinos are committed to the act of giving back, a tradition that has been prevalent since then and remains so today. However, such acts can go overboard. As the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions; a noble motive doesn’t promise a positive outcome. We all want to help our families and repay the love they have given us, but if our acts of love lead to us sacrificing our financial, mental, and physical stability, and even our way of life, then what may seem beneficial could ultimately harm the entire family.
Rojea Stratten’s book, “Redefining Giving Back: An OFW’s Journey to Work-Life Balance,” discusses the sacrifices Filipinos make to help their families, while also challenging this notion. She suggests, instead, a modernized version of the concept, in which giving back means giving what you genuinely can, and not everything you have. You simply cannot pour from an empty cup—you must first nurture yourself before you give to others. And what you give to others should empower them to become self-reliant, rather than spoon-feeding their needs. Essentially, helping them learn to help themselves, echoing, as the book says, the timeless message, “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Sadly, this type of balanced giving back is rare among many Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) who are supporting their families.
Let’s take the author’s experiences, for example. Rojea was a registered nurse in the Philippines. As the eldest, she took on the responsibility of helping her parents raise her siblings. She paid for school fees, covered medical bills, and occasional meals. Eventually, she realized her salary wasn’t enough—many times she put off buying things for herself to prioritize her siblings’ needs, and when she considered pursuing a master’s degree to advance her career, she found it impossible due to insufficient funds. Also, she felt left out by her coworkers because her responsibilities prevented her from joining their group outings. Her upsetting circumstances ultimately led her to go overseas.
Rojea’s story highlights the consequences of what giving back currently entails, where we provide so much for others that there's nothing left for ourselves.
There’s no removing the idea of giving back in our country—it's ingrained in our culture, a role every generation dutifully commits itself to for the past and the future, but we can modify it. Instead of sacrificing everything for our families, Rojea’s book teaches that we can help our families by teaching them how to sustain themselves by and within their means. So, instead of us being the sole source of stability, we can help them help themselves—to teach them to fish instead of feeding them fish.
Furthermore, Rojea also shares how she found a way to give back without sacrificing everything. Leaving home, she became a registered nurse in New Zealand. Although she earned more abroad, her budget remained tight, as she had to repay the money she borrowed to go overseas in the first place. She also still sends money back home for her family. She was burdened with financial struggles and guilt for not providing enough. Thankfully, from her journey in New Zealand, and more so from the friends she made along the way, she reflected and learned ways to give back to her family without sacrificing her stability.
Through responsible budgeting, investments that guarantee a return, and having extra sources of income, Rojea managed to transition from full-time to part-time work, become a mother, and ultimately founded a recruitment company first aimed at assisting nurses find work, then expanding into providing opportunities for professionals in various fields. Despite all of this, her financial security remains intact. Rojea was able to give back without having to give everything.
We do not have to drain ourselves for our loved ones; we can lead them to the river so we may all fill our cups.
How about you? Can you support your loved ones while also taking care of your well-being? Want to read the book? Use code BKS10 for a 10% off on your purchase! Avail the book at https://www.cfnrecruitment.com/resources