“She made a place in her heart for everyone, yet forgot to save a seat for herself.”
From the moment we are born, a woman often becomes our first safe haven: a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a friend. Women are the ones we turn to for comfort, reassurance, and quiet strength in moments of uncertainty. They are the steady hands that hold us together, the shoulders we lean on when life feels too heavy.
But who do they lean on?
This shoulder
Still waiting
For her
To stop hesitating
-Rest Here / Kalpesh Desai
These words resonate deeply because they reflect a truth many women are all too familiar with: they frequently provide a safe haven for others while hesitant to seek the same comfort. The emotional labor they provide is invaluable, but it is also exhausting.
Emotional labor extends beyond physical acts of care. It includes the unseen work of nurturing, mediating, and ensuring the well-being of others. It’s remembering birthdays, checking in on friends, mediating conflicts, supporting colleagues, and absorbing the emotions of loved ones. It’s being the one who listens, understands, and reassures, even when she herself feels tired.
Society has long expected women to be strong yet soft, selfless yet independent, and give without expecting anything in return. But what happens when the shoulders that support everyone else start to ache?
Women are often told to be resilient, to push through, and to “keep going.” However, resilience should not come at the expense of rest. Desai's poetry provides a gentle reminder:
Come,
Rest on my shoulder,
Forget your strife.
We've done navigating the map of life.
Close your eyes.
This is where our dreams
Obliterate our weary sighs.
-And Here / Kalpesh Desai
Rest is not a luxury. It is a necessity. Women deserve spaces where they can simply exist, not have to be strong and exhale without guilt. They, too, need safe havens. Whether in trusted friendships, moments of solitude, or spaces where they are genuinely seen, women must be reminded that their well-being matters as much as anyone else's.
If we truly want to honor women, we must reconsider how we view emotional labor. Support should be reciprocal rather than one-way, and women should be encouraged to receive as well as to give.
This means creating spaces where women feel comfortable expressing their needs and where they don’t feel selfish for taking a break. This Women’s Month, let’s take a moment to recognize the women in our lives who have been our safe havens—those who have listened without passing judgment, provided strength when we had none, and made us feel understood and valued. In recognizing them, let us remind them that they deserve the same care and kindness they so generously provide.
Your strength is undeniable to the women who are always there for others, but your rest is just as important. You are more than just a shoulder to lean on; you deserve to be held.
By Justina Torres