Many of us still fear the dark long after our childhood—and understandably so. It’s perhaps the feeling of uncertainty that continues to linger in our minds and follow us through the shadow we cast. Whenever we see darkened hallways or alleyways, we hesitate for our safety because what is hidden deep within could potentially traumatize us. It manages to rattle us to our core, which is why most horror movies use this tactic—because our imagination eventually takes over, strong enough for our fight-or-flight responses to kick in. However, Kaplesh Desai’s poem titled “The Void” brings us an insightful perspective on darkness.
Perhaps
That emptiness you feel when it's over,
Is nothing but space,
To newly seek and discover.
The darkness—this void—can be linked to that emptiness that begins to resurface when, as the poem suggests, something is considered to have ended. From the solemn tone alone of this poem, the end that it could be pertaining to is when we’ve hit rock bottom. There may be moments in our lives when we’ve felt burnt out and tired from everything happening around us that we secretly want to disappear for a while. Our fuel of passion is reduced to nothing but ashes, and as we feel that warmth slowly grow cold, it is only then that we feel that emptiness crawling out of the void. Although that might be terrifying and dreadful to hear, this isn’t something to be afraid of, because to be empty is to be filled once more.
It’s natural for us to go through such a process, and Kalpesh Desai hints that this could be an opportunity to reinvent ourselves from a safe place—from the void. The unknown beckons to be understood, and to be understood is to welcome change in our perspective. If the void holds uncertainty and what is hidden in it, then change could be present there too. It’s just using the darkness as a disguise, allowing it to be seen when one truly seeks it.
However, choosing to change in the void is easier said than done, because some cannot handle change. I am reminded of a time during the pandemic when I was in that void—when I felt myself changing into someone I didn’t want to be. Like a cursed werewolf changing by the full moon, I couldn’t do anything about it. I held on to her with everything I had, but I eventually felt my old self taken by that overwhelming, empty feeling. It reached the point where I could no longer stare at a mirror because I had lost the best version of myself. To my surprise, as I kept reading Kalpesh Desai’s Jasmines in Her Hair, I encountered the poem “Clear Space,” which also shares this experience.
I looked in the mirror
And couldn't find me.
And a voice whispered in my ear,
"Let go of what holds you back, and you will see"
From a cursed werewolf to a lonely vampire, the mirror held an empty frame. I couldn’t see my reflection anymore—or rather, I chose not to. We hold our identities so close, and when a situation calls us to change who we are, we withdraw to a stalemate. The fear that we have changed paralyzes us, and it is perhaps due to the unrealistic expectations we subject ourselves to, which only make it harder for us to grow. If we do not grow, then we might as well be trapped in a prison of denial enveloped in darkness, which is the truest horror of it all. One has to remember that no one walks in their journey or quests and stays the same by the end. The last line of the poem shows the remedy to this: to let go of the past in order to see the present—to see who we are now, with the good and the bad.
The voice that whispered in the poem could be the ghost of our past self, ready to move on, but it isn’t lost to the void. In fact, that past self still resides within us, whether we like it or not. My past self is still a part of me, but I have come to love who I am now—a human trying to live through life’s changes, even if I had been a werewolf or vampire. It leaves remnants that we remember from time to time, but at a distance, and only by grounding ourselves in the present do we truly see. The void isn’t as bad as it seems to be, and perhaps the next time we sense ourselves in that darkness, let us be kind to ourselves and allow change to start its process.
By Tiffany Melo