A few years ago, I stumbled upon a reel on Facebook that caught my attention. It discussed how our brains produce specific chemicals when we meet someone new, and how these chemicals can draw us to others like magnets. According to the reel, this is why some people claim to have fallen in love at first sight—they feel an immediate, inexplicable connection that they can’t quite put into words.
This idea intrigued me because it suggests that love and attraction might not be as mystical or random as we often believe. Instead, there could be a scientific explanation behind those moments when we feel inexplicably drawn to someone. It’s almost as if our bodies and brains are making decisions on our behalf, long before we become conscious of them. But what happens when these chemical signals go unnoticed? What if someone is attracted to us, but we’re too preoccupied to realize it?
The Unseen Signals of Attraction
Think about it. Have you ever been in a situation where your friends insist someone likes you, but you just can’t see it? They notice the little things—how that person laughs at all your jokes, always finds excuses to be near you, or looks at you with a certain sparkle in their eye. Yet, for some reason, you remain oblivious. Perhaps you’re too busy dealing with your own feelings, or maybe you're skeptical of the idea that anyone could be attracted to you in that way.
This obliviousness could be a defense mechanism. Our brains, complex as they are, might block out certain signals to protect us from potential rejection or heartache. By not recognizing someone’s interest, we save ourselves from the vulnerability that comes with acknowledging it. After all, if you don’t see it, you don’t have to worry about what to do with that information. You don’t have to worry about reciprocating, rejecting, or wondering if the feeling is mutual.
On the flip side, it makes me wonder: if I’m interested in someone, are they sending out their own signals that I might be missing? Is there a silent chemistry happening, a back-and-forth of unspoken feelings that neither of us is fully aware of? It’s a tantalizing thought because it adds another layer of mystery to human relationships.
The Poetry of Unspoken Feelings
This concept reminds me of Kalpesh Desai’s poem Jasmines in Her Hair, which captures the essence of wondering whether the feelings we experience are truly mutual. It goes:
I dreamt of fragrant flowers last night,
The kind we adorn deities with,
And I fantasized, recalling the sight
Of a beautiful soul baring it all, bit by bit.
Did you dream of me, like I dreamt of you?
Did you feel all that I felt, too?
The poem speaks to that universal experience of wondering whether someone is thinking about us the way we think about them. It’s about dreaming of someone so intensely that you hope, maybe even believe, they’re dreaming of you too. The lines capture a delicate balance between hope and vulnerability, between wanting to know and fearing the answer.
The Science Behind the Magic
While poetry and art capture the emotional side of attraction, science offers us another perspective. Research suggests that our brains release dopamine, the "feel-good" neurotransmitter, when we’re around someone we’re attracted to. This dopamine rush can create feelings of excitement and pleasure, making us want to spend more time with that person. Similarly, oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," plays a crucial role in bonding and attachment.
But here’s the catch: these chemicals don’t operate in isolation. They interact with our experiences, memories, and personal insecurities. You might feel a rush of dopamine when someone smiles at you, but if you’re also feeling insecure or unsure of their intentions, you might dismiss the feeling or downplay it. Similarly, someone might be sending out all the right signals, but if they remind you of someone who once hurt you, your brain might interpret their actions through a lens of caution rather than attraction.
The Complexity of Human Connections
This is where the beauty of human relationships lies—in their complexity. Attraction isn’t just about chemical reactions; it’s about timing, context, and mutual perception. You might be deeply attracted to someone, but if they’re in a different headspace or dealing with their own insecurities, they might not pick up on your signals, no matter how obvious they seem to you.
So, what do we do with all this information? How do we navigate the complexities of attraction, especially when so much of it happens beneath the surface? Perhaps the key is to be open and present, to pay attention not just to the signals others send but also to the ones we might unconsciously project. It’s about being willing to embrace vulnerability, even when it feels uncomfortable, and understanding that attraction, like everything else in life, is a blend of science and magic, of certainty and mystery.
The Shared Human Experience
In the end, the poems in Jasmines in Her Hair and the science of attraction converge on one simple truth: we all crave connection. Whether it’s through the rush of chemicals in our brains or the poignant lines of a poem, we seek to understand and be understood. We want to know that our feelings aren’t one-sided, that someone, somewhere, dreams of us like we dream of them.
So, the next time you find yourself wondering if someone is interested in you, or if you feel a strange, unexplainable pull toward someone, remember that it could be a mix of chemicals, chance, and a little bit of magic. And isn’t that a beautiful thing? Because in a world full of uncertainties, the possibility of a mutual connection, however fleeting, is one of the most hopeful things we can hold onto.
Blog by Fleur Diane Magno | Illustration by Anneka Grace Tababan