No man is an island. We’ve heard this phrase a lot in our lives. And yes, I would agree that no man can walk into this vast world alone. Hence, it is incredibly important for us, especially people on their journey of self-discovery and self-identity, that they have someone who can share the burden with them or even a source of reassurance, support, and encouragement during the process because it is during these difficult times of the journey to self-discovery that our allies feel anxious and uncertain.
During this Pride Month, we celebrate our allies from the queer community. Like how Greisson Peiffer rediscovers herself as told in her book “Sharing My Light & Healing Energy: Journey to True Self”, we exist in a continuous loop of self-discovery. This is a very important moment for them because self-discovery and self-identity can be complex, and a lot of our allies struggle with moments of self-doubt and fear about being judged for their sense of self. Because of this, they often hold on to something or someone for moral support. I recall a time when my friend shared something with me during her journey of self-discovery. A, who is my friend, is a member of queer community. She was 18 when she started questioning her biological identity. She was an only child. Hence, her parents were expecting a lot from her. Living in a patriarchal society where women are often belittled and discriminated against, she struggled with difficult challenges in life, and one of them was the pressure to conform. A, who was afraid to speak for herself, found solace in these little things that made her happy rather than the people she met. It turns out that these material things she bought made her happy — anik-aniks. Objects that rarely draw the attention of other people but hold significant value to the person who owns them. Concert tickets, small dolls, and cute capybara stickers are just some of the anik-aniks A holds dearly for life.
When asked, “What’s with you and your anik-aniks?” She replied, “They make me happy. I like filling up the storage with these cutesies, and I just feel happy looking at them”. When I heard her answer, I knew. I have always known that she is the very reflection of these things — cute and sentimental. Her character speaks for herself, seeing value even amongst the tiniest things and just living in the moment. And that’s what I hope that the people around see in her.
When she emerged from her closet, it was a struggle. Her journey to self-discovery was marked by numerous challenges that required her to confront aspects of herself that were previously hidden and feared. I didn’t think that I could do anything about it, because I believed that it was something that she needed to face herself. However, what I offered her was something that she told me she would remember for a long time. And every time I remember it, I can't help but cry.
No Matter What. As queer people explore the vastness of self-identity, they often have a lot of times where they fear that they will not be accepted if their true selves are shown to the world (coming out of the closet). This is especially true, regardless of whether it relates to sexuality, gender, career, or personal values. Hence, the assurance of telling them “no matter what” sends them a message that regardless of whatever or whoever they want to be, they are enough and they don’t need to hide or change for the others. Hearing this phrase from a supportive community or even a loved one makes it easier for our allies to navigate life and embrace their evolving identities with kindness rather than hostility. By knowing they are supported “no matter what,” queer individuals can move forward with greater confidence and emotional freedom, ultimately becoming more aligned with who they truly are.
You know what’s good about anik-aniks? They rarely draw attention if you’re not paying attention, but when you see them, they grow on you. You would notice how these trinkets and intricate things become significant to you. Queer identities, especially in spaces where acceptance is still growing, often feel the same way; they are often unseen and misjudged. But to those who truly see and understand, there’s beauty, complexity, and power among them.
Just like anik-aniks, self-identity is not always a single, defining moment. Sometimes, it is pieced together through the years by shared experiences, and that is what makes the journey fun and eventful. Sometimes, the pin you wore and the shirt you wore when you first came out of your closet are what make you feel like yourself. These little trinkets that are with you are always in your heart and thrive within you, that scream: “You are not alone in this journey.”
These fragments of beauty, tokens of survival, and keepsakes of sentimentality often remind us that even in the darkest and loneliest places, we thrive. It reminds us of who we are, where we’ve been, and who we’re becoming. So, keep your silly thoughts away: Just like how anik-aniks are collected and become sentimental over time, you are building yourself.
One anik-anik at a time.
By Loela Joy G. Cabilao