There’s this familiar saying that when love comes, it’s not always about the butterflies we feel from excitement and “kilig. "Love should make you feel at home—love should feel like ease.
At first, I did not understand that it is in our nature to feel the highs of it anyway. Reminiscence on how you feel butterflies on how you see someone you like and your hands accidentally brush in hallways, the eye contact in a crowded room, the interactions of the simple “hi” and “hello, or even the first dates and the first kiss. All these are given factors of excitement.
You think this is the person you want to be with. But oftentimes, these fade and fall apart without us knowing.
And alas! You meet someone again and understand what it means. To know love better, know it calmly, and how it eases butterflies and rainbows. It’s not disregarding the “kilig” but how it gives you a sense of ease on top of all the rainbows that come with it. Your heart beats better because love teaches you how to breathe. It’s no longer about hand brushing but the comfort in touch, no longer about quick eye contact but the feeling of understanding when you gaze at them, no longer about a simple greeting but how their presence brings a different kind of welcoming and knowing that you find yourself safe in it.
So, what do I mean when I observe that love should bring ease? I read a poem by Kalpesh Desai from his book “Jasmines in Her Hair” that says,
It's not trust that's the issue.
It's about who shows up
When you're being you.
-Trust is not the Issue / Kalpesh Desai
This reminded me of the saying, " Toe known is to be seen,” but perhaps sometimes, along the way, I alpe that I do not have to be known to feel seen.
Through the poem, I realized love is compassionate, and with it comes ease. Love is having compassion to leave spaces for the different versions of ourselves—the safety of being.
On the days we meet our emotions where they are, whether grief, sadness, disappointment, joy, fulfillment, hope, or whatever ways we feel, it is love that we can safely run to, reminding us we are not alone. Love brings ease, so we are fueled with confidence and strength in our self-expression, dreams, and aspirations. Love brings ease, so we find an embrace to lay on the days when life can be a whirlwind of failures and unknowns. Love sees the different versions of ourselves, knowing how to show up for us; we no longer need to constantly explain our flaws or the roots of our anxieties.
Love will never look at us as someone who needs fixing; it will create a space where we can voice out our thoughts without feeling the fear of hurtful judgment or having consciousness of how we say it. Love will find the good in everything while also teaching you how to flow with the hard things. Love will make us grounded while pushing us to become a better version of ourselves, too, and most importantly, it will teach you how to breathe. Love will feel like a fresh start who will see you as someone who can be a light to others. Love will bring you ease, healing your inner child, and encouraging growth.
And, as Kalpesh Desai also says:
The demons that hide deep within
Are released with each layer of shedding skin.
Those hurts and upsets we had taken in, When we were raw and mellow within.
And as each layer of what holds us back sheds,
ahead.
We venture anew, looking at the road
-Shedding Skin / Kalpesh Desai
When you find this, may you feel the ease from the love rooted in your choices to begin again.
By June Danielle Folio