What is love if not mutual understanding between two people?
The understanding that I desire the other, the understanding that everything within me is an extension of you — the understanding, that just maybe, I’m not where I’m supposed to be where you are right now.
Love can’t be found in one but in two; a connection that requires us to shed ourselves of initial apprehensions and embrace the other from a place of acceptance for who they are. It takes one person tenderly igniting the spark, with the other continuously fanning the flame. And like many people have said before, love is not mere feeling, rather, love is commitment, to do right by the other, in a way that is reciprocal. Because what is love without the other in mind?
Maybe I couldn’t love you / The way you wanted me to
We all have our own ways of loving, I’m sure everybody is familiar with love languages, from gift giving, physical touch, to words of affirmation. People love in a way that allows them to express their feelings in all their uniqueness, quirks and all. For me personally, I absolutely adore quality time with those I love, physical affection, and words of affirmation. Others may seek grander gestures, but for me, even a simple hug, or a late night movie is enough. There is no linear nor standard way in which to love, as nobody experiences it in the exact way that others might. Pondering upon this, I believe I’ve always made it a point to never overwhelm the people around me with my own expectations. Of course, that doesn’t mean to set your bar to the lowest of the low, to compromise yourself; what matters is that you’ve taken the effort to open yourself to new types of love – to understand that a show of affection for other people may be unexpected at first.
Maybe you never loved me enough /
To let me be
Loving is also about finding somebody who can understand you just as well as you understand them. Compatibility is important, in the sense that both should fit where they’re supposed to; and most of all, love in a way where both fit into the equation. Do you remember hearing your parents say “we do this because we love you” to something you obviously didn’t like? It’s the same thing here, sometimes people can love in a way that doesn't apply to the person in front of them.
Maybe I should have held you, /When you really needed me to.
Maybe I should have been present, /To show you what I meant.
To love is a commitment of both people with mutual understanding. Effort has always been a big thing in my own relationships. Just taking the extra step, or the extra mile is how we affirm our values in one another. Whether it be going out for some food whenever a friend is feeling down, or watching a movie with the people who haven’t had the time to relax; it's important to keep in mind that feelings are fickle but our efforts are material. And It’s not just about the feeling, but also the active mindset that allows us to stay relevant in the lives of our loved ones. A mindset that motivates us to do the best we can for the person in front of us.
And we let go/all that we had hoped and desired, /dreams unfulfilled, souls tired./And released us from/ the hurtful words that haunted our ears,/ that caused us to shed those silent tears.
Lastly, love is knowing that maybe, we’re not supposed to be where each other are. An ironclad rule of relationships is that it must be a healthy one, no exceptions. Despite this, some people, myself included, find it difficult to leave even though these relationships aren’t exactly healthy. Oftentimes we think about how saying certain things could change the now, how saying things that are supposed to be right somehow become wrong. The “now” is comfortable, the type of thing you don’t want to leave in other words. But companionship and comfort can only take you so far, healthy relationships should act as catalysts for self-growth. If the latter has gone, then it should be understood clearly between both that the “now” isn’t good for them.
Keep in mind that Love is in the air, not only for romantics, but also for families and friends. When we love each other we make an obligation – some kind of unsaid, unsigned contract which stipulates to maintain the best interests of those around us. With that said, I urge you to reflect upon your relationships. Take a step back to see if what you’ve been doing so far is enough, because a relationship you cherish should deserve more than less.
by Nathan Visaya