If I were to be completely blunt, being in love is not easy. As much as people want to believe it is all positive feelings, or insist there were no hurdles to jump over with their partner, that idea is mostly wishful thinking. Falling in love can come so easily, but maintaining the relationship that grows from it takes real work. In Jasmines in Her Hair, Kalpesh Desai makes it clear that love is not only about the warm, fuzzy feeling that settles in your stomach, but also about the burns, tears, and scars that appear when emotions surface in less graceful ways.
Ever hopeless when it comes to romance, I have had my fair share of failed experiences in love. I remember my mother once telling me that, for her, she got it right the first time. Naturally, I rolled my eyes playfully. Of course she did. She and my father are one of those rare cases of college sweethearts. As for me, I have always been a little strange, which makes it harder to connect with me, let alone build a romantic relationship. I have tried, yes, but most of what I found was either not meant for me or not meant to last with the people I wanted.
Can I Love You a Little Less?
I know I didn’t say this to you before,
But is it okay if I love you a little less,
And love me a little bit more?
“Can I Love You a Little Less?” reminded me of the self-deprecating thoughts I used to tell myself after heartbreak. I tried to keep my head held high, but as I have often reminded myself, love is fickle. It warms, and it hurts. I cried, I got angry, but I also learned. I learned what I want for myself moving forward, and I learned that not finding “the one” right away is nothing to be ashamed of. After all, I already know I have terrible luck, both in video games and in real life. There is no point in being hard on myself for that.
With experiences come memories, both good and bad. I believe those memories shape who we become and help us grow stronger than we were before. I am sentimental. I still keep letters, gifts, and flowers from past embers, but I don’t look back with bitterness. I look back with fondness, and sometimes with humor. I laugh at myself for how foolish I once was, and in doing so, I keep myself at peace. Perhaps that is why one of my favorite poems in Jasmines in Her Hair is about remembering.
Remember This
When all seems amiss,
Remember this,
Our first stolen kiss.
Bitterness, spite, longing for what could have been, loving and losing, these are more common experiences than people care to admit. This poetry book does not shy away from those deeper emotions that many love stories avoid. Poems like “Unread” and “I Don’t Live There Anymore” may be short, but they carry the weight of unspoken thoughts, the quiet bitterness of “Look what you’ve lost,” or the finality of “I’m not there anymore.”
Ultimately, feeling the darker sides of love and relationships is normal. There is no shame in it, and no reason not to talk about it. That is what makes Kalpesh Desai’s writing feel so honest and comforting. It feels like listening to a friend who has been through the same heartbreak and survived it. Jasmines in Her Hair holds both warmth and chill, the tenderness and the pain of love, reminding us, as the author writes:
“Those three little words that mean a lot aren’t ‘I love you,’ they are ‘No matter what.’”
— Kalpesh Desai
By Frances Arwen Samonte