While scrolling on Facebook, I received a recommendation on my “People You May Know” for a former teacher whom many students disliked. I wasn’t that fond of her either. She was strict and stern, the kind that never moved deadlines or gave make-up quizzes even when you were sick. She was often compared to our other teachers, who presented themselves as more nurturing.
Some days, she’d have some moments where she seemed less of a terror and more of a joy to be around. She laughed, smiled, and shared bits and pieces of her interesting life (and we’d listen and ask more; we loved to kill class time). At those moments, she became a little more lenient with deadlines and extensions. Those days were few and far between, but when they did come, we got to see a side of her that made us believe she was kinder than she had to present herself as.
It reminded me of this video I watched on TikTok recently, about students buying a cake for a teacher who was always mean to them. The teacher ended up crying happy tears, not really expecting this random show of affection. It made me think about all the teachers in my life whom I may have misunderstood.
As I grew up, I came to realize that the Philippines’ education system is not in its best state. Teachers are stretched beyond their limits to try to make the most out of what little they have to provide students with the lessons they need to nation-build and be bright citizens of our country. While I had been in private schooling all my life, I recognized that there were still gaps in the education that existed in both the public and private sectors. Truthfully, the impact of teachers has always been severely underappreciated and overlooked, and we can only foresee this remaining as systems fail to support them in their personal journeys to educate and make a difference. As Kalpesh Desai ponders in the poem in Darkness:
You'll find that darkness
Wasn't the absence of light.
'Twas a cover to win every fight.
Perhaps my teacher’s strict and stern nature was not meant to be a source of intimidation but rather a show of strength. As teachers face and overcome many systemic hurdles to simply do their jobs, it might have been her way to survive without putting her heart out so easily to be prodded and taken advantage of. They might’ve cared too much in a world that doesn’t always reward gentleness.
While I may never get an answer or come close to understanding why things were the way they were, I’ve come to accept that it was a product of things beyond my control. I don’t think we’ll ever understand anyone and everyone, and why they make us feel sad, hurt, or angry.
At the very least, we can acknowledge that there is a darkness that lingers, though it is not always an implication of something bad. After all, darkness fills the space when light disappears. It brings us comfort that there is still something that embraces us in our absence.
Truly, there is a peace that only the acceptance of complexity brings, such that Kalpesh Desai has found the words to make sense of. If we open our hearts to her words, then we might see the comfort of clarity for ourselves as a beautiful product of the mystery of the people we encounter.
by Rae Goco