How unfortunate it must be that the human experience revolves around the battle of having or keeping love.
And it’s not that love is ugly, or evil. Love is beautiful in many ways, but there’s no denying that it creates fools addicted to self-sacrifice.
Jasmines in Her Hair is a letter to those fools, a letter to paragons of self-sabotage. By channeling the bittersweet desires of love-struck individuals and hopeless romantics; individuals who experience the pain of willingly burning themselves in pursuit of another, the book invites readers to confront reality, while providing comfort in relatability.
To put it bluntly, love and desire make us do stupid things whether it be waiting for replies endlessly, or buying gifts for probable unrequited love. Colloquially, we refer to this as “delulu”, short for delusional, a condition affecting those who are “stupidly in love”. It’s seemingly innocent, and maybe even hilarious to an extent, but for those already in relationships, the act of being “stupidly in love” has serious implications.
Serious in such that whenever we love a piece of ourselves is intertwined with the other. And yes, although we are individuals with our interests – there exists the unexplainable feeling that your identity would be incomplete without your partner.
I want you to hear how every heartbeat of mine
seems to rhyme with your name.
Maybe that’s why we do stupid things whenever we’re in love – as losing the other is paramount to losing ourselves. It’s not a matter of being logical. The sun is hot, but unfortunately, that didn’t stop Icarus from taking flight. Similar to him, it’s easy to lose our sense of self in desire.
Every time you take my name, You set every fiber
In my being aflame.
This is why being stupidly in love is sort of a curse. Your partner, from their personality to their interests, is ingrained into your head. It’s cliche but you look for them in everything you see, sort of an “Everything reminds me of her” situation. At a certain point your partner becomes fire, warmth in cold weather, a need not a want.
Do you remember me?
Or has the sound of my name Ceased to be
Words that set your heart aflame?
And it’s at this point when decisions we make concerning our partners seem to warp. Under the spell of such intense love, a person can adopt habits of self-sabotage. More specifically, the implications of over compromising – a matter of fighting your inner urges to keep the relationship steady. We give them space when they want, provide constant praise, and accept that we foolishly uttered the losing argument. And we do so without expecting anything in return aside from stability. Many would ask “why?”. Why would you permit such a thing to happen? The answer is because to be consumed by love and desire is to fear extinguishing the flame with anything less.
By punishing ourselves For words we had not said. The only sin,
Was letting them mess with our head.
In our constant desire to feed the flame, we let words that should be said out loud, unspoken.
“Can you please…”,
Words of pleading, asking for change
“You’re hurting me right now…”
Words of feelings, letting repressed emotions out
“You’re wrong…”
Words of disagreement, fighting back against assumptions
These words become mere afterthoughts. The aftermath of unsaid words often results in intense displeasure and only with the advice of others can we understand what we need to do, what we need to say. But in reality said advice is rarely put to practice due to fear.
I know I didn't say this to you before, But is it ok if I love you a little less,
And love me a little bit more?
It’s a never ending fight, our sense of self versus our desire to stay in our relationships. Love and desire fuel us endlessly. We continue fighting for it, but oftentimes we direct it towards the wrong thing. Such is the unfortunate human experience and the only way out is to wave the white flag. To recognize that sometimes loving yourself a bit more is what you need.
by Nathan Visaya